Lawyers, etc.

I am being required by law to set the record straight. Apparently, I will be sued for slander, libel, and calumny (who knew there were so many words for the same thing) if I do not correct the statements published about my former "girl" friend, Jolene. She is not a man. She does have a hairy upper lip, but she is not a man. She also was not in jail for prostitution charges, she came there to bail me out after the fiasco at the basketball game. Also, I am required to say that she did not attack me, she merely "defended" my attack by turning my charge into a pile driver (such an unoriginal move), which resulted in my extended parole, yada yada yada. Lastly, I am required to say that Jolene has broken contact with me and issued a restraining order, and that the judge has ordered continued visits with my psychiatrist who is also responsible for the existence of this blog. Thank you, Yolinda.