Arrest

I have received three individual notices from readers concerned with my lack of writing lately. It's a long story revealing embarassing facts of my life which I would rather not disclose. But, in the interest of my psychological improvement and emotional stamina, I will divulge. The story begins with me breaking up with Jolene. Have no sorry feelings for her, because she is a heartless man. Turns out, the hairy upper lip was actually a mustache. Distraught and despondent, I wandered into a high school basketball game and de-pants-ed the referee. This action was followed by me being tackled by the referee who proceeded to shove his whistle in my ear hole. The worst part about this was that his bottoms were still off. I was arrested and thrown in jail, but not before I could headbutt the officer and guarantee myself a longer stay. It turns out that Jolene was also thrown in jail on prostitution charges just an hour prior to my arrival. This made the situation increasingly awkward, and eventually escalated to an attack on my life and perhaps even my will to live.
Things have calmed down quite considerably since then. I have been released from prison on parol and am required to do regular community service. Live and learn, right?