Me, a Seductive Robot?

I think if I were a robot, I could pretty much dominate in every sporting activity there is. Including the sporting activity named “girls.” I would have a clever and quick chocolate dispensing system and the chocolates would be laced with some kind of seductive drug like Prozac or ludes. No girl could resist my druggy chocolates of wonderness. Perhaps some kind of dementia inducing ingredient would be included as well. Yes, if I were a robot, I would be an unstoppable force in the game of winning over the girls.

Francis a rabbit

I think Francis would make a great rabbit. And I, I would would make a better Bobcat.

Rocky Valido

Rocky Valido is my arch-nemesis. He is also the janitor where I work. He is always doing things to me that disrupt and disturb my ability to harness positive energy from the universe. Last week he managed to replace all my clean underwear with trash cans. I know that doesn't make sense but it happened and my pants looked ridiculous layered over 2-gallon volume office wastebaskets. Just today he punched me in the face. It was his fault. Yes, I did blow air in his face from one inch away, but that was a simple misunderstanding and/or mix up of the words vacate and ventilate. He wins this time.

Cookies at Dinner

I had dinner with Jolene tonight . It's usually hard to choke down the food she makes me, so I brought some cookies to eat. The cookies were good, I don't understand what her problem was. She said something about her parents not being impressed with my table manners. What's wrong with eating cookies? I mean, you're bound to have crums. Is that the problem? Is it the crums? I just didn't want to try and chew down that thing they were all eating. Last time I tried eating their food, I barely made it to the sink in time to spit it up. Vomit is much worse than cookie crums. Personal opinion.

Monkey-baby

I think if I had a pet monkey, I'd train him to act like a baby. Then women would all flock around me, saying, "What a cute man there with his baby! I wish I could find a man like that!" Then I would say, "Ah-ha! You are fooled! This is my pet monkey! I don't really have a baby or a wife, you see, so I am actually available." Then I would date like crazy all those women that love me for my pet monkey-baby. Except for now I am with Hairy Lip Jolene. So I guess I'll have to hold onto that dream until a later time...

Jolene

I went on a walk today with my girlfriend, Jolene. We hold hands and that's real neat. Sometimes she wants to kiss, but every time we do, her hairy upper lip makes me want to sneeze. I mean, I think she really likes me and all, but I don't think she wants my nose juices sprayed in her face at high velocity AND close proximity. It's getting really hard to control my sneezing impulses, and I know that one day, she'll get snot right down the kissing hole. I guess you could say I'm concerned about this. After all, I don't want to be kissing my own snot. -Darius

Francis

Today was sort of okay. But my best friend Francis got upset with me and told me I was indecisive. I told him he might be right, but I'm not sure he knows me well enough to draw such conclusions. I think I might kind of want to possibly think about this more perhaps... I'm just not certain if I know what he really means really. Even if he probably is right, what do I do? Francis is an all right guy, I guess. Anyway, I think I'm kind of slightly tired, so I'm considering laying down for a little bit maybe. Good day. -Darius.